Sir Gwaine and the Green Apple
by kripkeisgod
Summary: Ever wanted to see Sleeping Beauty/Snow White Merlin style? No? Oh well, have some pure Merlin crack fic anyway. Light Merthur slash included.


**Title: Sir Gwaine and the Green Apple**

**Words: 4,875**

**Rating: PG13**

**Disclaimer: I have absolutely no claim on any of this – just messing around for fun.**

**Summary: Ever wanted to see Sleeping Beauty/Snow White Merlin style? No? Oh well, have some pure Merlin crack fic anyway. Light Merthur slash included.**

**A/N: So this is a long overdue gift fic for my dear friend The Owl Mage – hope you enjoy the finally finished product! And I know it's been forever since I wrote anything so I apologize for that but I did warn that my updates would be sporadic at best. :/ Hope you enjoy the story anyway. Thanks!**

**A/N 2: Set in a world where Gwaine is knight but kilgarrah hasn't been freed yet.**

Once upon a time in a kingdom where magic . . . Well, actually magic was banned on pain of death, but that's not the point.

In this kingdom there lived a handsome, if very arrogant and frankly prattish Prince, along with his long-suffering manservant. Now, I know what you're thinking – the title of this particular tale clearly alludes to the adventures of an 'chivalrous in his own roguish way' knight and his often much desired fruit of choice – and don't worry, we'll get there, as much as the Prince would like this story to be about him for the sake of his ego at heart it isn't. It was however the Prince that instigated the whole sorry mess our poor knight will soon find himself in and so he is regrettably vital to our story . . . speaking of which we should return to our tale soon or we'll be here all day, and the best place to start telling a story I always find is at the beginning.

It was on a fairly unremarkable day in Camelot when the Crowned Prince Arthur and his loyal manservant Merlin returned from an . . . unsuccessful hunting trip, disheveled, tired and each sniping at and blaming the other they stumbled through the lower town valiantly avoiding the swarm of market-shoppers obstructing their path to the citadel.

"I mean really Merlin, how difficult is it to keep quiet for more than a minute? Is it a trait of all the mentally afflicted or is it just you that feels the need to be so bloody clumsy? How you managed to step on every single branch in the forest I will never know."

"It wasn't every branch you prat, and considering there are twigs all over the forest floor how the hell was I supposed to avoid them all?"

"I managed it."

"Oh, am I supposed to be impressed? Because clearly you're just perfect aren't you _sire_?" Merlin made certain as much sarcasm as possible dripped from the honorific.

"I'm glad you've finally noticed." Arthur was either being willfully ignorant of this or he was deliberately trying to rile Merlin. Going off previous experience it was probably the latter option.

"Yes, I have noticed what a perfect Ass you are! Maybe the animals noticed it too and that's why they all legged-it whenever you came within 5 feet of them."

"How many times do I have to tell you Merlin? You can't speak to me like that."

"I'll speak to you any way I damn well please when you're acting like a prat!"

Whatever retort Arthur had been about to fire back died on his lips as his path was suddenly intercepted by a cloaked and hooded old hag of a woman. The woman looked up at the prince, her wrinkled and hideously scarred face half-shrouded by the ragged hood that adorned her head. Her voice, when she spoke, resembled a pained croak forced from an under-used throat.

"Please sire, if you would be so kind as to spare a few coins for a poor old woman? Just enough so that I may ensure that I have a meal and a warm place to sleep for the night?"

Prince Arthur having, as we'd already established, being worn and irritated by his less than productive morning was all set to push past the old hag snapping some biting refusal in his wake, she was probably well-enough off and only trying to con him anyway, when he was distracted at the last second by Merlin breaking out into some kind of coughing fit. Strangely enough from Arthur's point of view, it seemed that the series of short coughs his manservant was regularly emitting sounded remarkably like the words "witch" and "sorcerer" in succession. Completely at a loss as to his servant's peculiar behavior, Arthur simply stood staring at the boy for several moments until Merlin's increasing frustration seemed to reach boiling point. Marching over to the royal and the beggar-woman he turned his attention to the woman and stated:

"Look, I know he's a bit of a twat – I'm pretty sure everyone does by now but the line of people wanting to hex him to 'teach him a lesson' is already a mile long as it is. It might not look like it but he is trying to be a better person and to be quite honest, after the morning I've had, I don't have the patience to deal with running around trying to save him from another magical mishap because he pissed off a witch again. Can't you just agree that he's improving and leave it at that? Or at the very least save the inevitable cursing for a day when I don't feel like killing him myself?"

Turning and rounding on Arthur, Merlin continued:

"And you! Exactly how stupid are you? With the amount of curses and magical assassination attempts that you seem to amass on a weekly basis you'd think you'd be able to tell that she's a witch trying to test your generosity, but because you never think, you were about five seconds away from failing and landing yourself and by extension me right in it. So I would suggest,_ Sire_, that you give the woman her coins and then politely make your way back to the castle so that she can be on her way. And I would suggest you do it quickly before you cause anymore near-disasters!"

After a moment or two of standing in shock from Merlin's outburst, Arthur unhooked a small pouch of coins from his belt and handed it to the old woman before nodding courteously towards her and turning to follow the path his irate manservant had taken as he stormed in the direction of the castle. Neither Prince nor servant looked back to see the woman watching after them with a calculating smirk.

+!+!+!+!+!+!

Later that evening Arthur jolted awake in his bed, for what reason, he could not say, but he had the strangest feeling that something was not right within the castle walls. Dressing quickly, Arthur sheathed his sword in the scabbard attached to his belt, grabbed a lit torch from the wall and began to make his way through the corridors of the castle, checking for anything that may validate the unease he felt in the pit of his gut. After walking around the castle for what seemed like hours Arthur was about to give up his search and return to bed when he spotted a faint green glow at the end of a far off corridor. Slowly making his way toward it he was startled when a hand suddenly shot out from the alcove he was passing and curled around his wrist. Fumbling and almost dropping the torch in his effort to view his assailant Arthur was stunned to come face to face with the old woman from the market place. Recovering quickly, the Prince tried to inject as much authority as possible into his voice when he began to speak.

"When you asked me for charity earlier you failed to inform me that you had found lodgings within the castle. Those housed within these walls are never charged for their place; therefore I can only assume that you mislead me when you claimed to need money to pay for boarding. However, regardless of whether this is the truth or not, you shouldn't be wandering around the castle at this time. I would suggest you return to your rooms and get some rest before the night is over, I shall decide on what to do about your potential false claims in the morning."

In response the woman merely smiled and tightened her grip on the Prince's arm, using it to pull him closer.

"I am not here to find lodging's your highness, I am here for you."

"And what is it you want from me this time?"

"I only wish for what all subjects of a benevolent ruler wish for – to serve you and grant you happiness."

"I'm not sure I follow ..."

"I know what your heart desires little prince. You think you keep it hidden so well, but I could see through you in an instant. Just what would your father think if he knew his only son's heart had been captured by a serving boy."

Arthur's head snapped to face the old woman fully, his features stony. After a moment the woman began to laugh gently.

"Do not look so panicked little prince. I merely wish to help you. I understand how hard it must be to live day after day so close to the one you love but to be unable to express your feelings, so I have a solution that will put Merlin within your grasp."

Reaching into her cloak the old woman pulled out a shiny, fresh, red apple. Placing it into the prince's hand she said:

"Just one bite, he need only take one bite and he will be yours forever. This is my gift to you, use it wisely."

And with that she was gone, vanished into thin air leaving Arthur alone with the apple and the stirrings of a raging war between his heart and his conscience.

+!+!+!+!+!+!

The following morning found the Prince still at a loss of what to do. Yes, he ached to have Merlin as his own but could he really justify using the aid of magic to make it happen? Perhaps if he just left the apple in clear view while Merlin was alone doing his chores? That way the decision would be taken out of his hands – if Merlin chose to eat the apple or not without Arthur's presence then either way the outcome was not the Prince's doing but Merlin's own. Yes, he had decided, that was the definitely the way to solve his moral and romantic dilemma. Smiling to himself Arthur positioned the apple on the center of his desk and left to attend council before Merlin showed up. In just over three hours he would know whether or not his plan had worked.

+!+!+!+!+!+!

Merlin rushed through the door of Arthur's chambers, once again the prat had left him with a near impossibly long list of chores to do and only a limited time to get them done before he returned to give more. Some days he thought had it not been for his destiny, he would gladly quit and leave the arrogant arse to his own devices – let some other poor sod wait on him hand and foot instead. Still, as nice an idea as that was he knew a moment of fancy was all it would ever be, after all someone had to keep the prat safe until he was ready to take his head out of his arse and become the great king he was fated to be, it was a hard and thankless job but it was Merlin's job nonetheless. Sighing, the servant mentally resigned himself to the inevitability of spending the next however many years as a dogs-body in the name of destiny. With this grim thought Merlin set to work on clearing up the various items of discarded clothing lying around the prince's bedchambers – it always did amaze him how a man who was unable to dress and undress himself properly was capable of making so much mess with clothes he barely ever touched when he wasn't wearing them. Crunching the heap of soiled clothing into a ball and setting it on the chair for later, Merlin turned his attention to clearing the remnants of Arthur's breakfast – nothing more than empty plates, a few crumbs and an apple . . . funny, Merlin couldn't remember bringing the prince any fruit with his meal that morning . . . perhaps another servant had left it he surmised, shrugging Merlin stacked the plates to take down to the kitchen later and moved to sweeping out the fireplace.

+!+!+!+!+!+!

Sir Gwaine, travel-roughened lothario, hidden son of a Noble father, and proud 'common' Knight of Camelot was well and truly bored. Sat in his new chambers, the man itched for something, anything to occupy his time. There was no training today as the princess was tied up in some meeting or other with a council of stuffy old Nobles who thought they knew more about running Camelot than her own King and Gwaine didn't want to risk returning to the tavern just yet after the rather ... eventful previous evening – no best to leave the dust to settle on that one. If he had to spend much longer cooped up on his own he was sure he'd go crazy, luckily he was spared of that fate as his mind strayed to the reason he'd given up his travels and settled in Camelot, his first real friend. Merlin! Of course, why hadn't he thought of it before? The servant seemed to attract mischief wherever he went and Gwaine was more than eager to see what todays adventure would be. With that thought in mind Gwaine rushed to the door in search of his gangly friend, although he mused, it would be just his luck that today should probably turn out to be the one day since he arrived in Camelot that nothing would go amiss – oh well, if nothing else he was sure Merlin could use something to alleviate the boredom of doing the princess' chores. Gwaine was just the man for that job.

+!+!+!+!+!+!

Merlin had just finished sweeping out the last of the ashes from the admittedly overly-sooty fireplace when a large bang signaling the rough opening of the door behind him caused him to drop the collected sweepings all over the floor.

"MERLIN!"

Chanted an enthusiastic and all too familiar voice. Try as he may to hold onto it, the anger that had begun to build inside the servant at the prospect of the avoidable new mess he now had to clean seemed to drain away to weariness at the excitement in Gwaine's voice.

Smiling slightly Merlin turned his head to face the boisterous knight.

"And what, exactly, do you want Gwaine?"

+!+!+!+!+!+!

Gwaine, still oblivious to the damage he had caused upon his brash entry beamed at the lithe man before announcing:

"I just figured I'd brighten your day with my presence."

"You got kicked out of the tavern again didn't you?"

"Merlin! I'm shocked you would even ..."

"What was it this time? Gambling, fighting, or just general drunken debauchery?"

"All three actually." Gwaine appeared overly pleased by this fact.

"And let me guess, now you're bored and looking for something to do until the barkeep remembers you're a knight of Camelot so he technically can't stop you from entering his premises?"

"Something like that."

"Well, whatever it is you've got planned it'll have to wait – I was nearly finished before you came storming in and now I've got this mess to clean up."

"Leave it until later; it's not as if you're not going to have to do all over again tomorrow anyway."

"If Arthur sees this he'll have me in the stocks again – last time he put me in there people were throwing raw fish at me. I mean really, who throws a fish? Isn't that just wasting food and the labor of the fishermen who caught it?"

"Well people have got to get their entertainment somehow."

"Yeah, usually at my expense."

The servant turned his back to his friend and knelt to start gathering up the scattered ashes once more.

"So what exactly is the princess up to anyway?"

As he spoke Gwaine's eyes became drawn to the fresh, ripe beauty on the table beside him. That was certainly one delicious looking apple. The flesh was the perfect shade of green and it looked so juicy that Gwaine couldn't resist taking a step towards it. It was like the fruit was calling to him, and it's not as if the princess couldn't just order someone to bring him another if he so wanted. Mind made up Gwaine grasped the object of his desire in his hand, he took a large satisfying bite ... and then everything went dark ...

+!+!+!+!+!+!

"So what exactly is the princess up to anyway?"

Not pausing in his sweeping Merlin answered.

"The knights were already told they got a day off from bashing each other round the head with swords because Arthur's holding a council meeting today – something about the levels of grain stock or something equally as boring – I'm almost glad I got this list of chores to escape it ..."

THUD

"... Gwaine?"

Turning, Merlin dropped the sweeping of soot all over again as he took in the sight of his friend lying motionless on the floor. Instantly the boy rushed over, fell to the knight's side and tried to rouse him.

"Gwaine? Gwaine wake up. Gwaine, if this is a joke it really isn't funny."

Panicked now by the lack of response Merlin began to shake the motionless man, to no avail. The servant looked to the man's chest and breathed a relieved sigh when he saw it moving shallowly up and down – still alive, so then why wasn't Gwaine moving? Merlin lifted one of Gwaine's eyelids and found the man's brown orbs dilated and unresponsive. Growing frustrated Merlin pulled back and paused when he noticed the object that lay close to Gwaine's limp hand. An apple. An apple that Gwaine had clearly helped himself to a bite of. Picking up the partially eaten piece of fruit and studying it Merlin came to two conclusions.

There was clearly some kind of sorcery involved here, and

2. He was going to need help.

"GUARDS!"

+!+!+!+!+!+!

Gaius moved around his chambers conducting various tests both on the apple and the deathly still patient adorning his sick-bed while Merlin took to a combination of frantically searching spell books for an answer and slamming the books down to restlessly pace the room every time his findings came up short of a solution.

During one such spate of pacing, Merlin paused to ask:

"Anything? Anything at all?"

To which Gaius looked grave as he answered:

"I'm afraid not my boy, whatever spell this is it was cast using a powerful magic. I fear breaking it may not come easily."

Merlin nodded before turning and walking towards the door as he muttered:

"Well then, knowing what we're dealing with would be a useful start."

"Where are you going?" The physician called, eyebrow rising to impossible heights.

"To speak to a certain cryptic lizard." Was the disgruntled reply.

+!+!+!+!+!+!

Kilgarrah yawned and stretched, not even bothering to open his eyes as he sensed the approach of the young warlock rushing to seek his aid … yet again. The wizened old dragon idly thought that he'd have a pretty decent stash of gold if he began charging for his assistance. Uncurling himself from the comfortable ball he'd spiraled into to sleep, Kilgarrah lazily cracked open an eye just in time to see the panicked young wizard rush out onto the cave's ledge.

"Ah, young warlock, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company this time?"

"You must help me, Gwaine has . . ."

"Yes, yes it's always about your needs isn't it young warlock? You need a spell or help breaking one while all the time you refuse to heed my words on anything or prove to be anything other than a hindrance to me. So tell me, why should I aid you again now?"

"Because I fear if you don't my friend may die."

"And you believe that to be a good enough answer?"

"What other answer can I give? You are the last of you kind, you saw the systematic destruction of your race, surely you better than anyone understand what it's like to lose someone you call friend. I'm asking, no I'm begging you, please help me."

The stoic old dragon refused to betray just how deeply the wizard's words had moved him. Instead he simply said.

"Very well young warlock, for what problem do you seek an answer?"

"It's Gwaine …"

"Is that the one with all the muscles whom refuses to wear sleeves even in the coldest of weathers?"

"No … that's Percival … Gwaine's the one who basically lives in the tavern, any way as I was saying …"

"Ah yes, the one with the marvelous hair."

"Um, yes… that one … now, like I was saying, Gwaine's eaten some-kind of enchanted apple and now he won't wake up!"

"Hmm, somehow this does not surprise me … I always did think his fascination with that particular fruit to be a tad abnormal …"

"I thought you were going to help me, not comment on Gwaine's obsession with fruit."

"Fine, fine. Are you certain that the apple is enchanted? Perhaps it was simply poisoned."

"Simply poisoned? You say that as if it's a good alternative."

"Well, isn't it?"

"No!"

"Calm yourself young warlock, I merely meant to say that the effects of poison could likely be reversed much more easily with the guidance of a good physician than an enchantment could."

"Well, I'm certain it isn't poison, Gaius already made sure of that."

"Pity, well then, my advice to you would be to look to any previous encounters with such a spell to find the answer you seek."

"But there are no previous encounters, nothing like this has ever been recorded before – believe me I've looked. The only times I've even heard an enchanted apple mentioned is in silly fairy tales."

"And there you have it."

"You can't be serious … they're ridiculous romanticized fictional stories, I mean really who's ever actually broken a spell with a kiss in the real world?"

"If no one has done it then how do you know it won't work?"

"I-I … but it's _Gwaine_!"

"Yes, and as you've made clear – you seem to value his life so are you really prepared to dismiss what may be your only hope of solution?"

"Well, no, of course not."

"Perfect! A good sharp shock is just what's in order to fix this little problem of yours. Now, if that will be all I'd rather like to continue my nap."

+!+!+!+!+!+!

Arthur tried his hardest to remain regal and keep the panicked expression that longed to cover his features at bay as he made his way purposefully towards the physician's chambers. It had not been more than five minutes ago that a guard had interrupted his council meeting to inform him that Sir Gwaine had been taken ill … and that the cause was believed to be linked to some form of enchanted apple. Needless to say that as soon as he'd heard the news Arthur had quickly excused himself to check on the damage caused … after all he could not help but feel at least partially responsible for it …. Well, o.k. so maybe it was more than partially his fault … maybe, definitely, it was all his fault.

How could he have been so stupid? He should have known that his plan wouldn't work. That something would go wrong … he should have known not to trust a damn sorcerer – and now all for a single moment of desire and weakness he may well lose one of his best knights … and friends.

Coming to a stop just outside the door to Gaius's chambers he hesitated to make his presence known once he heard the voices of the aged physician and Merlin:

"Are you certain this is the only way Merlin? Perhaps you heard wrong, or misinterpreted."

"I wish – Kilgarrah clearly said that the only way to break the spell was to look to where the enchantment has been used before."

"But Snow White? Really? I hardly think that's a viable source for real-life sorcery."

Snow White? Wasn't that a children's story? Why on earth would Merlin be looking for answers there? And who the hell was this Kilgarrah? Whoever he was, he was clearly mad.

"I know, I know, but what other choice do we have? If all it takes to wake Gwaine up is a kiss then I'd honestly be ecstatic – it's a hell of a lot better than some of the things I've had to do to break an enchantment over the years."

Over the years? How many enchantments has Merlin had to break … and wait, did he just say kiss? As in, he was planning to kiss Gwaine? Oh hell no!

The next moment found Arthur crashing through the door to Gaius's chambers yelling:

"Merlin, you blithering idiot, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Merlin for his part shook off the shock of Arthur's rude and unexpected entrance within seconds.

"Well hello to you too Sire – and if you must know I was just about to attempt to break the enchantment that Gwaine's gotten himself under so if you'll excuse me …"

"Wait! I heard what you said Merlin …about the enchantment … and how to break it …"

"Yes, and?"

"Well, surely you don't really mean to kiss him do you?"

"Um, yeah, how else is this going to work?"

"But, but … in those stories you were talking about, isn't it always the kiss of true love that breaks the curse? So therefore there's not much point in you doing it because you're not his true love!"

"Are you volunteering?"

"What?"

"Well you seem so insistent that I couldn't be Gwaine's true love, I just figured that meant you thought that you were – want to give it a go?"

"No! No, don't be ridiculous …"

"And anyway, how do you know that Gwaine hasn't been secretly in love with me for years? Regardless of whether it's true love or just a regular kiss that's needed to break the spell or even if it's something else entirely I can't just not try, so I ask again – if you'll excuse me."

With that Merlin turned away from Arthur and began to bend down towards Gwaine's prone figure. Arthur knew there was nothing he could say that could stop this, but he was damned if he was just going to stand there and watch the love of his life kiss someone else, even if it was just to break a damn spell, so he did the only logical thing - he ran straight back out of the door and back to his own chambers.

Barely even registering the sound of princely escaping, Merlin continued on his mission to save Gwaine, inching closer to his unconscious form. As he moved ever nearer the dragon's words began to ring inside his head: _A good sharp shock is just what's in order to fix this little problem of yours._ Coming to a stop when their faces where inches apart, Merlin whispered:

"Sorry Gwaine …"

Right before he lifted his hand and brought it down with a resounding slap on the enchanted man's cheek.

The effect was instantaneous; Gwaine shot up into a sitting position clutching his stinging cheek and began to look wildly around the room for his attacker. Seeing no one but Merlin and Gaius he slowly relaxed before asking confusedly:

"What happened?"

Merlin smiled in relief before answering:

"It's a long story, but for now, do me a favor and just lay off the apples for a while, yeah?"

+!+!+!+!+!+!

A week after the enchantment was broken found Arthur still in a state of maudlin depression, moping about the castle - as it turns out, no one bothered to inform the prince just how the spell had been thwarted and so he was now convinced that Gwaine was in love with Merlin, providing worthy competition for the servant's affections.

Trudging slowly back to his rooms Arthur was shocked by what he found inside.

There on the floor was Merlin, apparently unconscious … with a half-eaten apple laying some meters away from him.

Panicked, Arthur wondered bitterly for a brief moment whether he should retrieve Gwaine before quickly dismissing the idea and deciding that if anyone's kiss was going to cure Merlin, it would be his … after all this may well be the only chance he got to kiss his manservant and he certainly wasn't going to pass it up.

Dropping to his knees beside the fallen boy Arthur whispered "I'll save you Merlin", (he'd been thinking of this moment for a long time and felt that he was entitled to use the odd dramatic cliché) before gathering Merlin up in his arms and kissing him firmly on the lips.

Merlin let out a squawk of surprise and pushed Arthur away.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Breaking the spell …"

"What spell?"

"You were unconscious … and the apple …"

Letting out an exasperated sigh Merlin explained:

"The apple was from your breakfast … and I was unconscious because I fell asleep while doing my chores, it's not the first time it's happened and it probably won't be the last."

"Oh." was all Arthur could manage.

"You prat, if you wanted to kiss me all you had to do was ask." Merlin announced before pulling Arthur in for another kiss.

THE END


End file.
